LOVE through Him

There is plenty on this earth to suit our needs
but there will never ever be enough to satisfy our greed
weigh this heavy on me now until I can hardly breathe
love through me

I've never gone a day without a meal because I couldn't afford it
stood on a corner and begged for pennies, holding out a sign
call me blessed, but it sure does feel pathetic,
children ‘round the world are hungry now

So would I give up:
pillows and cable, clothing and candy,
if a boy could rest his tired bones?
would I lay down:
making all this money, just to have my milk and honey,
if my fellow man could get the chance to watch his children grow?

There is plenty on this earth to suit our needs
but there will never ever be enough to satisfy our greed
weigh this heavy on me now until I can hardly breathe
love through me

I feel in the right, self-justified giving coins away
but what about the time I consider mine not tomorrow but right now today?
clothe the naked; feed the hungry; welcome strangers
come on, get up and open your eyes

So would I give up:
pillows and cable, clothing and candy,
if a girl could have some more to eat?
would I lay down:
making all this money, just to have my milk and honey,
if my fellow man could get the chance to hear about the King?

There is plenty on this earth to suit our needs
but there will never ever be enough to satisfy our greed
weigh this heavy on me now until I can hardly breathe
love through me

Help us see, our eyes are weak, help us please
love through me

"Love Through Me" -Jenny and Tyler



Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. James 2:15-17

God loved, he gave John 3:16
Everything we have has been given to us Ps. 24:1
How should that change our giving?

Ewe

Ewe, He says.
You. I will use You there.
And there is no question who He’s talking to

But still I ask.. Me? Why?
No, not as Jonah’s why
But why this broken vessel
Deut. 29:29
Soon he reveals to me..
As I see my pride, my jealousy, my lust, my… heart
I fall, I fall on my face
He lifts my chin from the dust
Now, I see Him
His forgiveness, His mercy, His grace
As He lifts me up, I see the nations proclaiming His name
Jesus is the Christ, the Saving One
Ewe, He says.
Yahweh, I whisper.
I am Yours.

(Ewe is the Nyanja word for “you”)

Overwhelmed by Grace

Sick, alone, disheartened, empty, depressed, confused, overwhelmed, out of place, disgusted, downcast, misunderstood, longing, unmotivated...

After arriving home, these were some of the emotions and thoughts I was allowing myself to experience. About a week later I realized my sin. Again, I praise God for miraculously revealing to me that these were not holy convictions. Yet, even in my valley, the Lord was there. He even provided a rainbow the Sunday after I returned, reminding me of His faithfulness, not only in Zambia, but in the turmoil I was feeling inside, upon my return.
One morning I was reading in Romans 2 and 3. As I read Paul’s words to the Romans, my motives and the depths of my heart were being brought into the open. God was once again revealing to me my pride. I realized that my attitude upon returning to the States was once again all about me. What I experienced. The confusion I was experiencing now, How no one else understood me. How disgusted I was with everyone else and this American culture. How I wanted to escape. How much I missed everything about Zambia.
That weekend after returning, that sin and self-centered heart only worsened. Instead of down, I began to become very stressed and angry. Angry at the situation for not working out. Angry at myself for not being able to figure out my life, angry and frustrated towards those around me because things weren’t working out and despite how hard they tried they couldn’t help. I prayed, but even my prayers were selfish… That God would reveal to me what he wanted me to do. But like a good father, when His daughter asked like that, He didn’t give me what I wanted.
Finally I put my hands up and gave up all my efforts. I got on my hands and knees and talked to my father earnestly out of my utter need of Him and His mercy.
Peace. He didn’t give me an answer, but He gave me peace.
Thinking back, I realize that as much of my pride and sin God revealed to me in Zambia, it wasn’t until I came home and experienced all that pain because of my sin, that I realized the importance of the truth of Romans 2:4. “Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance, and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?” Repentance.

Thank you, Lord, that I do not have to store up wrath against myself. You are my Holy judge.

“God, be merciful to me;
On Thy grace I rest my plea
Plenteous in compassion Thou,
Blot out my transgressions now;
Wash me, make me pure within;
Cleanse, O cleanse me from my sin.”

By God’s grace my heart has been cleansed. He has opened the eyes of my heart to the blessings I have, the opportunity I have to share and love, and still the opportunity I have to grow in His grace. I praise His name.

So I continue, trusting in His faithfulness, His forgiveness, but also in His sovereignty.
Ps. 11:3-4 “When the foundations are being destroyed […] the Lord is in his holy temple.
Ps. 102:12 “But you, O Lord, sit enthroned forever; your renown endures through all generations.”

“Arrested by your truth and righteousness,
Your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness.
Convicted by your spirit, led by your word,
Your love will never fail, your love will never fail”

Hillsong “To Know Your Name”

More of Him

More of Him
Victoria Falls.
You imagine its magnitude, but don’t know it until you see it, experience it.

When I went to the Zambian side, we almost didn’t go across the bridge because it went right over the falls and we knew from the sight of the mist, so cloudy at times that you couldn’t see the falls, that we would be soaked. After debating for a moment, Lesley, myself, and Harold’s son Moses decided to go for it. We held hands and began to cross the narrow bridge. Soon , we all looked to our right and to our left, realizing that there was a huge rainbow right under us. At that, I didn’t care how wet I was getting. I stood in awe. After crossing the bridge we went to almost all of the viewing spots and instead of holding back, I couldn’t help but stand in the mist.
Later, remembering the incredible experience, I realized that I so often hold back from God, not giving myself fully to Him and His purposes. Not letting His Holy Spirit soak me. But other times, I do. Once I have seen His glory and truly allowed the spirit to drench me, I want nothing more, but more of Him.

Examine my heart

Examine my heart
My pride
When I look around, I stop looking at Christ
When I think about judging and my pride, God always reminds me of Phil 1:27 “Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.” I know my life doesn’t match up to the weight of gospel, when I am not comparing myself to Christ alone.
This was and still is my prayer, that God would allow me to look at Him and only Him, and that I would be willing to give more regardless of people around me, because He gave it all for me.

Acts 5:41 “The apostles left he Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name”
Why do I complain?
We deserve nothing,. In fact, we are told that we WILL, not might, suffer for the gospel. Where do I (especially as an American) get the mentality that I deserve comfort?
I pray that God would give me the power to start living that way.
I praise You, you are a God who forgives.

Ps. 27
V4 ONE THING I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple
V8 My heart says of you “SEEK HIS FACE!” Your face Lord I will seek
V13 I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living
V14 WAIT for the Lord, be strong and take heart and WAIT for the Lord.

Others

I prayed through the tears as I left the people of Mpongue

Ps. 28:9 “Save your people and bless your inheritance; be their shepherd and carry them forever”


Some complain about walking to turn off the light
Others walk miles for water, school, to hear the name of Jesus
Some children complain about being bored
Others find joy in kicking around a plastic bottle
Which PJs do they want to wear tonight?
They wear the same tattered clothes every day.
Some choose new school supplies every year
Others hold on tightly to their one faded and falling-apart book
Some are picky- no veggies or meat
Others are happy with nshima alone

The dirt-floored huts
The joy in their worship
The cough of a child breathing smoke and dust day in and day out
The hysterical laughter following simply a few bubbles
The little girls holding babies half their size
The young mother caring for 7 kids
The hands large and small more than just callused form work, from life
The beauty in her eyes
The skin always covered in dirt
The babies eating candy instead of milk
Their bellies, full in size but so hungry

They long to be held
They long to be listened to
They long for Christ’s unconditional Love

We are His hands and feet
I pray that’s ALL that was seen.
I laughed, I played I talked I listened I gave and, oh, how I have received.
Grace abounds.
“I am longing for heaven”
I am longing to worship with those sweet souls again.

Home

I’m Home! My flight arrived in DC Tuesday around 16:00 hr. Thanks so much to three of my sweet friends who took the responsibility of picking me up from the airport, on account of the fact that my parents are out of town on a business trip. By the time I arrived home, it was about 1:00am Zambia time. I forced myself to stay awake for a few more hours, but soon gave in. Now, two days later, I think I’m almost over the jetlag and am attempting to process and share with everyone all about the trip, as well as prepare to go back to Blacksburg to start another semester.

Because I didn’t give many details before leaving (mainly because I didn’t know them) I will fill y’all in now on some of what we did while in Zambia.

Like I believe I mentioned before, the team consisted of the eight of us. The team (minus Lesley who was visiting her brother in Tanzania) met up in London. Then we jumped on the 11 hr flight to Jburg, South Africa. From there we flew up to Lusaka, where we were picked up by Harold (the spiritual director of the hospital) and taken to the CURE hospital, where we would be living for the next 3 weeks. Harold was so kind and allowed us the following day to rest before we jumped into trying to help out anywhere we could at the hospital.

The remainder of the week, we spent time helping the staff paint the children’s ward (a project I later found out that we funded completely). It was awesome to see the ward transformed, and with it the faces of the children when they were moved back in. After a few days of painting and loving on some kids, we prepared to travel just a bit more for the outreach. (Now the outreach is something that the hospital tries to do about four times every year. The main reason GO teams come is to fund the outreach, and it was so cool to realize that’s where most of the money we raised went.)

So the eight of us, along with a little over thirty individuals (mostly from Lusaka but all having some connection to the hospital), formed the new team and left for the 6hr drive to Mpongue (the bush). Upon arriving, we set up tents and began work in the “kitchen.” This was our home for the next week. I can now say, it really was. I can’t even begin to explain what life there is like, but in my next few posts, I will try to paint a little bit of a picture. One thing I will say is this: I’ve heard it said that “a poor man doesn’t know he’s poor until someone tells him” and that was most certainly the case for the people of Mpongue. Almost all of them farm maize (a crop that makes them basically lose money each year), and own almost nothing. But, they are some of the most joyful people I have ever met. God taught me so much through these people, and my only prayer is that they saw only Him through me as well.

Our daily schedule was wake up (around 5:45) breakfast, a short chapel, and then break up into our groups for evangelism. This consisted of going out to the different farms and talking with people, visiting and then asking where they were spiritually and sharing the gospel or a short bit of encouragement from the word. God used this experience to really challenge me in several ways. He used the pastors and Zambian teammates who were with us, to challenge me in my knowledge and passion for the Word. He also used the experience of sharing the gospel in this manner to make me rely completely on Him and realize the importance of taking time to share the gospel and reach out to people at home. We walked a lot (about 5 hrs every day), but even just walking from farm to farm was incredible to be able to build relationships with the Zambians on our team. Each day, when we got back to the camp, we would have lunch then begin the afternoon activities. These consisted of a medical clinic (most of the team was medical so they helped out with this), a young marriage class, another marriage class, and the children’s program (which I was involved in). Although I was quite nervous about the children’s program (because I had never really been in charge of planning/running anything like this before), by God’s grace all ran smoothly, and the children heard and soaked in truth about the gospel. We also sang, played games, and ate lots of candy (which both the children and I enjoyed thoroughly). After the official children’s program was over, I spent the evening before and after dinner, playing with the kids. After dinner, we would show the Jesus film, and it was incredible how many people not only walked miles to come, but were transformed by the message and gave their lives to the Lord. A few nights, we went out and showed the Jesus film at other locations, which was also really incredible. I love that film, because as Pastor Harold says, I can watch that film time and time again, but it still brings me to my knees and allows me to see the beauty of the gospel.

In my opinion, the week flew by. Soon I was waving goodbye to the amazing children and adults I had come to love. No more sitting in the dirt sharing the gospel or holding a little girl as she colored in my journal. No more telling bible stories with homemade paper bag puppets. No more nshima (the overcooked grit-like food we ate every day). No more nights of endless dancing and singing. It took everything in me to hold back the tears. All the way back to Lusaka, all that I could think about was “Life goes on.” No, not my life, but theirs. It made me sick to think about the comforts I would soon have again, but even more so, my heart ached knowing that their lives of indescribable poverty continued. I wanted to scream and run back.

But soon we were back to the comforts of living at the hospital guest house. For the next few days, we played with children in the ward, and tried to help out. We were able to clean the storage closet, which was a big job, but hopefully proved to be a blessing to the staff. We were also awarded the opportunity to see some surgeries and I was able to watch and help the PTs a bit. That was an incredible experience, and only God knows what’s in store for the future of my education, now.

On Friday (the 5th) we got up around 3:30am and headed to Livingston, for our weekend adventure at Victoria Falls. We met our guide, Dennis, and planned our weekend (all the activities everyone wanted to do). On Saturday I went to see the falls themselves. I cannot even describe their vast beauty, but I can say that our God is amazing. For me, the rest of Saturday consisted of a canoe trip down the Zambezi, and then the Boma dinner (a meal catered to what tourists think of Africa). I ate way too much (including a Mopani worm). Sunday consisted of mainly watching my other teammates do more activities (flying fox, zip-line, gorge swing, bungee jump, etc.) Everything was SO expensive or else I would have been tempted to do it all, but it was still fun to watch them. Then, we met Harold and his kids and went to the Zambian side of Vic Falls. Although the Zimbabwean side was amazing, I liked the Zambian side more. We were so close to the falls, and it was so cool to have a different angle. In addition to all this, though, on the Zambian side, I saw the most beautiful rainbow I have ever seen in my life. Thank you, God, for giving me a taste of your creativity and reminding me of your faithfulness. After spending some time there, we were off to Lusaka. We got back late, so we packed and went right to bed. Monday, we got up and went to the staff devotions, then said our goodbyes and were off for the airport. After about 22 hrs of flying (between the 3 flights) and a few hours of layover, I was home. Strange. I don’t think it has completely sunk in yet.

All I know is God is good. He used this trip and everyone I came in contact with through it to reveal to me so much about my depravity yet His unconditional love and faithfulness. As I was dropped into a culture completely different than the one I knew, I saw God more clearly than I ever have. I saw Him in their lives. The way they welcomed me, the way they make time for others, the way the staff at the hospital seek Him every morning in devotions before going to work, the way they sing with all their might for His name, the way they pray, the way they work long hours for His glory, the way they find joy in the small things, the way they worship with a passion, the way they share about the God they love and serve. As I saw this, God, in His mercy, began to break my pride, revealing to me my utter need of His forgiveness. I praise Him for the truth of Psalm 65:3, because now, instead of being overwhelmed by sin, my heart is yearning to serve and proclaim all that He has done!

Thanks to all of my prayer warriors for your prayers for the people we came in contact with as well as for me and the other team members. God definitely answered them in more ways than you can imagine. I am so privileged to have the opportunity to be a part of so many of those answered prayers as God moved in and through me and the team in Zambia.

Please know that just because this trip is over, doesn’t mean that our prayers are not needed in Zambia. God will continue to bless us and those we are praying for, if we are obedient in prayer. I cannot wait to hear how God continues to work in Zambia.